Monstermatt Patterson,The Man of a Thousand Bad Monster Jokes!
Author of Monstermatt’s Bad Monster Jokes Vol.1
Writer of Wolff’s Run,a horror comicbook trilogy.
Writer for HorrorNews.Net.
Maskmaker.
Ghoul Mourning,Maniacs!
The people here at __________.
No,wait…
The people here at KillerAphrodite.com, have been kind enough,to let me enter your conscience,today! Mwhuhuhahha!!(sorry,couldn’t resist).
Let me start by saying,without remorse: I am a Batman fan. Always have been. Let me tell you about the time when we were “head over heels, for Batman”!
Batman has been in many comic book titles over the years .One of my favorites, was The Brave & The Bold, a terrific team up of old Bats and a guest star each issue. One of my favourites of this series, is the two issue story arc, numbers 129-130.129 (September 1976) in particular, because of the artwork by Jim Aparo, the story by Bob Haney and the humorous circumstances surrounding us getting that comic book. I would’ve been 5 and my mother, Jean, would’ve been 35. She’s important to the story, don’t worry! But before I really get into that,let’s look at the basic plot of:
The Brave & The Bold #129-
“The Claws of the Emperor Eagle”
What more could you ask for as a Batfan? The Joker, Two Face, Green Arrow (aka Oliver Queen)and The Atom all show up here! Even Napoleon Bonaparte shows up in a flashback panel! Maybe they were having a Rebecca Black listening party? Then again, maybe not.
Oliver Queen purchases an ancient statue called the “Emperor Eagle“, from it’s current owner, Victor Lasher,while on his deathbed. The statue is said to bring bad luck to all that try to own it! Everyone from the ancient people that stole it, in wartime, to Napoleon and even Hitler! Oliver’s trouble is just beginning. Upon completing the sale, Lasher dies. Oliver goes into the night only to have his deed to the statue stolen. Batman makes the scene and as they are Justice League team mates ,they share their personal events that led them here. Oliver boards an airplane headed to England,to get the statue. He and the passengers get a nasty surprise- The Joker and Two Face are on board with plans to hijack the plane!! Umm…no pat downs for these guys? How do you spell “security breach”?! Sheesh! Oliver changes into Green Arrow and…wait a minute! Nobody notices? Man, must’ve been a good inflight movie! Green Arrow changes back to Oliver Queen and is now a hostage.
The villains take the airplane to Pathanistan, the Emperor Eagle’s place of origin. They meet General Mahmood Khan,the current half crazed dictator. Khan allows the flight crew and passengers to be released. Well,except for Oliver Queen. He gives Oliver “what for”, to dare try to own the Emperor Eagle! He says Oliver will stand trial for this act,with hanging as the punishment. I would imagine that at this point Oliver realizes he could’ve had the darn thing shipped!
In the kangaroo court precedings, Two Face(former Gotham City D.A.), acts as prosecutor. In the nick of time Batman shows up with fellow JLA mate, The Atom(who is out of sight, following Batman’s orders).
Khan was about to sentence Oliver to hanging, but chooses to offer a sportsman’s test of skill. A wooden frame, from which a ring hangs by rope. Khan’s squad of horsemen are so skilled,that he promises any that thread their razor sharp lance through the hanging ring,while in horseback,can run their lance through Oliver’s chest! Sounds like a real hoot!Even The Joker and Two Face are there to cheer on the festivities! Batman is not thrilled, nor is Oliver. But it is on! All of Khan’s men attempt the task. All miss the dangling ring. It seems to move, before the can thread it. Even Khan misses! Batman makes a bet with Khan. If he can thread it, Oliver goes free. Khan agrees. Batman gets it with ease. Can you guess how Batman did and nobody else could? Anyone?! The Atom! He shifted the ring just enough, to make Khan’s men miss and Batman get it!! That’s how they won big prizes at the Gotham carnival!
Um, I mean allegedly. Shh! You didn’t hear that from me!
Batman can’t convince Oliver to leave, he still wants the Emperor Eagle. Two Face and The Joker are still around and they manage to knock-out Batman, keep him as a hostage and get the Emperor Eagle to boot! Boy,you can’t trust a villain these days. Two search parties begin a manhunt. Khan, with his men and Oliver now back in Green Arrow garb with the Atom.
When they find Two Face, Joker, Batman and the statue, there’s a little problem:
Batman is trapped on a grid,with a solar powered laser cannon aimed right at him!!
That’s where this cliff hanger stops, until the next issue. Sorry,you’ll have to read number 130. So,that’s where my mom and I come in…
My mother didn’t drive. She didn’t have her license. It wasn’t something she was interested in. Instead she rode a purple Schwinn bicycle with a metal kids seat, for me. She took us to the local pharmacy with the spinning comic book rack. A metal holder of all great things in four colours! Allen-Mack Pharmacy .I saw this dynamic Jim Aparo cover and begged as little kids do, to have it. Mom, sprung for the thirty cent comic and we were on our way! To the Schwinn! Mom in front, me in the metal bike seat, clutching that comic.
I’m not sure if we stopped at my grandparents on the way, but we did go to the barbershop. I needed my ears lowered. Walt the barber did the trick and still does to this day!
After the haircut, we were on the Schwinn. I had no problem with mom as the pilot of this machine. We lived on a busy road along the river and she always rode us everywhere. To her a 10-15 mile day of biking with me was probably the norm. But for whatever reason, when we crossed the street and made for the opposite sidewalk, something gave way on the bike! I dont know if we hit oil on the road or what, but we flipped the bike. We went airborne!! We went head over heels, landing on our backs, with the bike skidding away from us!
The people around stopped to check on us. Even Walt popped out from his shop to see if we were okay. With the wind knocked out of us, we brushed off, wiped away some tears and I realized that I still had that comic book in my tightly clenched fist!
Now, every time I see or read the comic, I think of the great art, the dynamic cover, the story with all of it’s twists and I happily think of mom, the Schwinn and the”flip”.
Apparently it was pretty dynamic.
