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SUPER ELASTIC DEVIL PLASTIC V.6 TOP TEN BY JAKE BANNERMAN

October 22, 2011
By

This time I am going to go over something I struggle with on a daily basis, and that is acceptance. I’m going to list my top five reasons why I should strive to gain your acceptance, and then I will rebut my own list with another five reasons why I should not.

  1. I want you to buy my book!
  2. I want your friends and family to buy my book.
  3. I want your girlfriend to buy my book.
  4. I want your girlfriend’s family and friends to buy my book.
  5. Start at number one and repeat.

There is no question about it; I want book sales! I want to bathe in money and drive my Mercedes into an ice cream truck just to see the artwork it would create. I want to surround myself with porn stars who live to have my dick slapped on their face when I bust a nut. I want monogrammed toilet paper, I want to light my cigarettes with hundred dollar bills; and by the way, I want to fuck your girlfriend and her mother and her sisters whilst you video tape it. Now let me give you my top five reasons why I am not completely worried about your acceptance!

  1. I do not give a fuck if you buy my book!
  2. I don’t give a fuck if your friends and family buy my book
  3. I do not care if your slut girlfriend buys my book!
  4. And as far as her family and friends go, unless they are fucking me I couldn’t care less.
  5. Start at number one and repeat.

So, it’s like this; I want you to buy my book because it is a quality product and it’s well worth your time! I honestly want you to become interested in my work, to continue to read my work because I enjoy doing it and I enjoy the fact that you read it.

At the same time, if you think it means I think any less of myself because you do not buy my book or you talk bad about my book (join the fucking club) you are dead wrong…

Now, I am surrounded by professionals who tell me what and what not to say and this is the kind of thing that will get their blood boiling! I will face the repercussions, and I am sure it will be a routine ass chewing from my partners.

But guess what? I will continue to wave my flag around with my middle finger up and spitting venom and vigor and swagger, and pissing on the book world – you see, what people seem to miss about a guy like me is this. If I am on your side, I will do all of these things for YOU because without YOU I am nothing but one voice. With YOU we are an army!

My point is – do not hate the shotgun because it is dangerous. BUY the shotgun because it is dangerous!

You have a chance to join me in flipping off the world and liking it, or you can go buy the next faggot vampire book and continue to act like you are a horror fan.

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