Coulrophobia, otherwise known as a fear of clowns, have been one of Hollywood’s favourite ways to get an audience a little uncomfortable and believe me, it works. Personally, I’m very much afraid of clowns, but I also am kind of obsessed with them. Why? There’s probably something about embracing your fear that’s worked for me, but then again, I do miss being shaken and stirred from time to time, so a good kick up the adrenaline butt always helps. This is Killer Aphrodite’s picks for the top 10 clowns in cinema and/or TV!
10 – The Joker
Ah, the first of our clowns is actually a very controversial clown to begin with. Many will pick Heath Ledger as Batman’s favourite foe, but to me, there’s nothing like a good old Jack Nicholson version of The Joker to get my shivers rolling up and down my skin. Now, of course when I say controversial, I mean different people have their preferences as to who’s the best Joker, be it Heath Ledger, Jack Nicholson, Mark Hamill or Caesar Romero, and I agree that each one brings something unique to the character. Unfortunately, Jack Nicholson just does creepy so well, that he got chosen as the creepiest Joker and thus made our #10 spot.
9 – Zombieland
Do you fear zombies? Do you fear clowns? Imagine a damn zombie clown then… not only will it try to eat your face off, but it will most likely be hilarious to anybody around that might be able to help you. Unfortunately in a situation where a zombie clown is trying to eat your face off, your friends will not be able to respond! I’m pissed at the concept already. This mean clown get’s the #9 spot, for just pissing me off (I explained the scenario… think about it).
8 – Captain Spaulding
Now, now, I could never forget Rob Zombie’s wonderful character, Captain Spaulding. However, I might actually get told off for putting him so low on the list, huh? Well, okay I understand that many of you will find Captain Spaulding very scary, seeing as he’s a homicidal maniac, but let’s think about it for a moment. Captain Spaulding is creepy in the sense of he’s crazy, not in the sense of he-makes-me-want-to-shit-myself. This character from House of a 1000 Corpses and The Devil’s Rejects is however, one of the most memorable bad guys of recent years (in fact, he might just be the new Leatherface *gasp*) and I am really hoping that Rob Zombie won’t simply let him slip away into the darkness… unfortunately only time will tell.
7- Demonic Toys
Hmmm, I remember watching Demonic Toys when I was still very young, like five or six years old, and this little bugger… The Jack in the Box from the film kind of just pops out and freaking scares one to bits! Believe me, if you watch horror films as a kid and a demonic damn clown jumps out of a box, you’re going to start fearing clowns. In fact, this monster made me afraid of toilets too, don’t ask me why… grrr
6 – Supernatural: “Everybody Loves a Clown” – Season 2 Episode 2
Alright, so how can I put this clown above Captain Spaulding and Jack in the Box? Simple really, have you watched this episode? Holy crap, it’s one freaking creepy clown, especially when he just stands there and just the kid can see him. Bitch, please! This is damn horrific! What’s more is this clown feeds on human flesh! I get the woolies just thinking about it. Blegh
5 – Masters of Horror: “We All Scream for Ice Cream” – Season 2 Episode 10
Isn’t this just a face some inbred mother clown could love? To those who don’t remember We All Scream for Ice Cream well, it’s one creepy ass episode of the Masters of Horror TV series that kind of rattled the norm. Buster, the clown (and also the ice-cream man) is one damn creepy guy and with that eerie chant of “we all scream for ice-cream…” in the background, you’ll get a damn chill. He makes our halfway mark.
4 – Killer Klowns from Outer Space
They’re aliens that looks like clowns. They have painted smiles on and yes, if you have a bit of a clown phobia going on, then yes, you will most likely hate this movie. Unless you’re masochistic, in which case you will LOVE it. It’s an outrageous film, but really very fun. I mean, heck, whoever thought I would not put Killer Klowns from Outer Space into the list must have been honking his nose too long, this is an absolute clown classic!
3 - Poltergeist
You know that haunted clown in the classic horror film, Poltergeist? Remember he kind of decides to just randomly give us all a good and proper scare when he jumps up and wraps himself around the kid? Yes, this bastard had it in for me from the beginning and I am sure many of you clown lovers feel the same way. *shudders* If you did have a clown like this in your bedroom, I’m sure you’ll get rid of it soon after seeing this scene.
2 – John Wayne Gacy a.k.a Pogo the Clown
Okay, so why did I put Wayne Gacy into this line-up? Yes, I know he’s not fictitious, but Wayne Gacy did create a new generation of phobias and he did also inspire many clown movies, so of course he gets on the scary clown list. Hell, Pogo the Clown is probably the number one cause of coulrophobia, because this sick, sadistic serial killer did exist and he claimed the lives of almost 30 young boys. Come on, this guy is freaking creepy and he totally gets the #2 spot for being an evil clown. If you want to watch some Gacy movies, be sure to get your hands on Gacy and Dear Mr Gacy.
1 – Stephen King’s IT
Tim Curry was able to scare and amuse us all at the same time with his adaption of Pennywise the Clown. Stephen King was able to create this character on paper, sure, but as far as acting out this character, well Tim Curry was probably the finest damn actor they could have chosen. This horror mini-series is one of the many classics that will forever haunt children and strike fear into the hearts of young ones when it comes to clowns. Yes, Pennywise is our number one scary clown and although he makes jokes, I’ll stay clear of his path. There is no way in hell that I’ll go anywhere near a clown because of this guy.